Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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