he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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