he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
