we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
