don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
