Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
