i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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