He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
worst night to have a conscience
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
