this beer tastes like vomit already
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
