i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
