Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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