I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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