My pussy is not your playground.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
