So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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