I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
