yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I should be sponsored by Trojan
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The beer is more important than you right now.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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