I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
