I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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