Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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