Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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