I wish I could teleport
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize