Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
