i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I have post one night stand depression
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
