Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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