Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
