3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gargled with NyQuil
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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