I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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