i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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