I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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