It was confusing and full of hummus
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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