Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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