Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
