I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So much rum. So many feels.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
