At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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