I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
