Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Houston, we have a squirter
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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