Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
