I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I will pee on everything he values.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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