Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
