i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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