I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
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this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
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"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.