My nipple is on Facebook.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?