I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.