I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
