They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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