Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
