there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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