Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
