Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
