he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
this hospital has no fireball
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
