Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Are we still banned from the library?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
