I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
