I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
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If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
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When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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