I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
