you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
