I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize