I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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