I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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