Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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