fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
