just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
