He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
ttyl tear gas
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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