just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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