Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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