she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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